Jesus walks with us through the storms of life. Sometimes we feel His presence and then sometimes when we may not. But it doesn’t mean He is not with us; and it doesn’t mean we are alone through the storm. We may be at our weakest, but He is our strengthener. What a comforting thought that we don’t have to go through this life alone because He is with us every step and every moment in our lives. We serve an amazing God who loves us so much even when we fail Him.
The day my mom passed was not only a day of sorrow, but also a day where she walked in the heavenly gardens. If you believe in Jesus, have accepted Him as your Lord and Savior, decided to have a relationship with Him, confessed your sins to Him, repented, and professed your faith-believing in who He is and what He has done, then you are saved by Him. Eternal life is abundant life. It’s not given or received from this world and the conformities. It is knowing Jesus with what He gives and provides. He is the only One true God who rose from the dead, defeated the grave, and resurrected to open the gates of Heaven. It takes more in just believing in Him. It also takes a personal, intimate relationship with Christ. Eternal life does not begin at the moment of our dying bodies, ultimately death. It begins with your personal relationship with Jesus. We don’t know our judgment or if our names are written in the Book of Life, but this we can know that there is hope in Jesus. That without Him we are nothing and nobody. Who would not want to spend eternity with Him? Heaven is real. Jesus is real. Life with Him is real. But there are prerequisites in starting our faith journey, in the preparation of spending eternity in His Kingdom.
The last day my mom breathed earthly air, she was praying with her rosary in hand. She told me that day to take my rosary with me to her doctor’s appointment. Now I know she was scared of the unknown. Maybe she knew it was her last day on earth. Maybe she knew that she was ready to fall into the embrace of the Lord. I don’t know, but my mom knew what she had to do that day and that was to pray fervently. A week later, it came into my thoughts that I had to pick up her clothes from the facility where she had her heart procedure, where she began to die. In her pant pocket, I found her rosary. I could not help but to think about her faith in Jesus. She loved Jesus so much because He carried her through this life of hardships and disappointments. But He also healed through some health scares.
The Lord will put you together from the shattered, broken, crushed pieces. Mending, repairing, restoring, redeeming you back to life. When my mom passed on that day, I was torn, lost, in despair, broken. But Jesus began to show me a different way to live, to live with hope in Him. He is the source of Hope in darkness. Where you think there is no other way out… He is our way out. For scripture says in John 14:6 NLT, “Jesus told him, ” I am the way, the truth and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.” And that is Biblical truth. I want to live life abundantly, eternally, knowing Christ lives in me. I want to spend eternity with Him. I want to know Him better than I did yesterday. It’s not about the conformity of this world, living in the motions, thinking that the fullness of life is taking a trip around the world, filling our bucket list of desires, materialistic and its objects, achievements and worldly accomplishments because all that is temporal and will soon fade; and won’t matter on our last day. While that is all good, what will really matter is the spiritual treasures we gathered when living on this earth. Did we serve Jesus? Did we do what was right in Jesus’ eyes? Did we put on a Jesus attitude? Did we choose Jesus? Did we point others to Jesus? Did we speak of who Jesus is in our lives, giving Him all the glory? Do we believe in HIM? Those are the things that are going to matter. So, start telling the world about who Jesus is and what He has done for you. Jesus wants everybody to spend eternity with Him because He loves you and me.
Imagine a place where there is no death, no sorrow, no crying, no pain, and no suffering (Revelation 21). A place where there is light and never darkness. A place where there is peace, love, joy and comfort. A place where it’s always beautiful, more than our imagination can ever visualize or comprehend. A place where Jesus lives, the One who is love and life. A place where there are no tears. A place that is forever-truly living in the presence of God and in the light of Jesus. True living with the source of life-Jesus Christ. We can only imagine.
When my mother passed unexpectedly in 2021, my life was torn apart with the tragedy that happened that day, in front of my eyes. A witness to her death. Life as I knew it with my mother’s existence was wiped away so quickly where it left me in total shock. Knowing that life was not ever going to be the same without my mom here on earth. I experienced her death because it left me breathless, a part of me died with her, at least that is how it felt that day. It was the worse that I had ever felt in my life. These tears will not go wasted, remembering all the tears I cried when men rejected me because they didn’t love me anymore. I thought to myself… those tears I wasted on a man who no longer valued me. Death and grief was an unbearable pain that attacked every fiber within me. Sorrow, sadness, crying, pain, suffering, darkness and weakness were my companions who walked with me through the darkest valley. It was difficult to keep going even though I knew at some point that God needed to be my strength to keep going and move to be healed. But with my mom’s passing, I had to endure all that I didn’t want to feel. I had to face the reality that death is real and permanent. It took my mom. I was angry with fire. The comfort that brings is that she is waiting for me on the other side of this chaotic world. A place where she is finally resting. That in this world it’s not all we get because if you believe in Jesus then there is a place where He has prepared for us to spend our forever and it’s with Him. My mom’s passing not only brought me closer to my Jesus, but it has taught me that life can still be beautiful even without our loved ones. This world is only an introductory. Grief is a terrible experience. I hated death because it took my mom. And still hate death. What I felt like a rejection was the trauma I felt in losing her. Jesus comforts the broken-hearted. He shines the light again in hearts through His divine healing. I am comforted only by the warmth of His presence knowing that He comes alive in the inner core of my soul. The day my mom passed was the day Jesus held me closer, loved me more than anyone could and revealed that one day I will rise from the ashes, bursting in love with Jesus, because He makes all things new again. It’s not the end of life for my mom because now she is truly living where there is no death, no pain, no sorrow, no suffering and no tears. Miss you mom! Love you Jesus!
It is not until we, as temporary residents of this world, traveling through life experiencing a trial or trials where we need rescuing, and in need of immediate relief. That is where we find ourselves desperate and in search of some kind of measure with a source that will give us a space to breathe. Sooner or later, we realize the only source is and has been waiting for us… His name is Jesus. When we are in a face down position of desperation, at the end of our rope, clinging for dear life, drowning in grief, our cries for help become real to us. It’s a wake-up call to reality that life and death are real. That the world is really temporary. It’s not forever, but heaven is. It’s when we face the reality of life as it is. Our cries reach out to the ears of our lifeguard-Jesus. He is the only One who walks on water. The real source who makes Himself available any time, any day, anywhere and any way. Jesus is our measure to life in desperate times. He knows. He sees. He understands. He waits. He loves. He cares. He guides. He is with us. For scripture says in Psalms 23:4 NLT), ” Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and staff protect and comfort me.”
The day my mom passed, I found myself walking through the darkest valley. I knew the Lord was already grieving with me. He was about to carry me through a grief that was unknown to me. A loss that broke me into pieces of granules and left me completely numb and in shock, filled with pain. As we were guided by the ER doctor that sad day, who walked us into the hospital emergency consultation family room, a small and enclosed room with two chairs and a table, he informed us the devastating news that was about to change our lives forever. This room felt exactly how I felt within. It was pale, gloomy and a cold room indeed. Parts of me felt dead. Hospitals are known for cold temperatures, but some reason this room felt extremely cold that day. I felt the incoming sadness which entered that particular room. Somehow I already anticipated what I was about to hear was not good news at all. Anticipating for the bad news due the the faces that walked into my life that day, but still continuing to cling on to hope that my mom was alive and made it through this terrible experience. The ER doctor had a look of despair on his face which stared right into the window of my eyes, and sadly informed us that my mom didn’t make it. It was in this room that I felt how life was so unfair. I hated death and all its evilness. It was that moment that changed my life forever. It was where I felt nothing but numbness that sent strings of pain radiating through my limbs, where my heart felt like it stopped as well with my mom’s. Her passing tore me apart, it tore away through the insides of my very being and asking myself what just happened in disbelief. She was just here.. Is this a bad dream because I don’t like it at all. I wanted time to travel back when my mom was still alive. I wanted to scream. It felt as if a part of me died with her. I was lost. But this I knew that Jesus is close to the broken-hearted. He will not let you stay where you are at. Crushed, broken and in despaired. Jesus is with us in the silence, in the noise of this world, the chaos, the loneliness of times, but also in the good times where it calls for celebration, to celebrate life. This season of loss for me was a time to grieve life and death as it was that day. Jesus didn’t promise us a free from pain, and free from suffering type of world. He did promise us that He would never leave us where we are at. In your desperate times, seek the only measure. The One that holds our heads high above the raging waters, because even the waves obey His voice. He is the only source of life and breath, strength and comfort. He has been my lifeline so, seek the shepherd for He walks with us in the darkest valleys, never leaving our side.
As I walked through the valley of death, in grieving clothes, slumbered in the tombs, with my head down with sorrow, the Lord was with me. Black as the night, the darkness hovered over me as a canopy that kept me hidden. As scripture Psalm 23:4 (NLT) says: ” Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me…”
Slowly ripping my grieving clothes to shreds, and emerging from a place into an unfamiliar territory that is my new normal. He is making things new again. As scripture Revelation 21:5 (NLT) says: “…Look, I am making everything new!…”
Eyes swollen and tired, in total shock, floating in a numbing state when my mother passed away, with my heart shattered into a thousand pieces and scattered like sand on the ocean shore, I knew my God carried me through. It was only HIS footprints that were imprinted on the sands of earth. And even though tears continue to flow down my heart-shaped face, I know my God is still with me, healing me through the inside, mending my heart back to whole and newness, and pouring His living water so I will not go thirsty because He refreshes my soul and gives me life again.
When my mother passed, parts of me died with her. Knowing that life will not be the same again. But also knowing that my God is good and faithful. He will not let me drown in sorrow. He will lift my head up high to see who He is and what He can do. I believe.
Death will not overcome. Life continues. Eternal life wins.
After my mom passed away in the Summer of 2021, I found myself to be a total mess. I felt completely lost without her on this earth. I was in shock. I felt so numb as if I was just floating in air. I didn’t know what to do with this life without my mom. She kept me grounded with life and gave me the best advice even though, I did not always take it when I was much younger. But as I grew older, I valued her advice. I finally listened to everything she advised me of. The day she passed, was a day we did not expect. She was suppose to be an outpatient that day, but it didn’t turn out that way. I didn’t expect to see her wheeled on a stretcher and placed in the ambulance. Now, to think about it, the paramedics didn’t seem to be in a rush to the hospital. She may have passed away at the clinic, but no-one said anything to us whether she was alive or not. As I stood there in the doctor’s facility as she was taken out from the procedural room, in my heart, I felt she left… that she had left this earth already. Yet my mom appeared to be sleeping. But I knew her heart had given out. That was the feeling I got that day as I saw her. I wasn’t prepared for this even as I knew it would come some day. I wasn’t ready. I still needed her. I still wanted her to live. I still needed more time with her. The comfort that brought me was sweet and compassionate Jesus. He stayed with me in my grieving. He embraced me with His warmth of peace. He grieved with me. He understood me. I hated death because it took my mom from us. I hated life the way it was because death comes to us all. Reality really woke me up. Jesus carried me through the grief of losing my mom. He stayed up with me those sleepless nights where sleep was my enemy. He was the one who comforted me with words of peace and joy even when I wasn’t ready for it. His words brought life into my broken self. Everyday I relive the memories… good and the not so good. Everyday tears still flow down my face thinking of my beautiful mother. She had the prettiest green eyes that others admired. She was known for her good spirit. She was a strong woman. She was a woman of faith , and she loved her Jesus. She was the best mom. No words can take away the pain and grief. I found that out on the day my mom passed. No-one can be there for anything you need. But, I did find out who can. Jesus can be the only One we can depend on and trust. His words of promise are true and real. He carried me through the grieving where my mom’s passing knocked me down and beat me to the ground. It crushed me, broke me and unraveled my life as I knew it. A life that now I know will never be the same . The loss that made me into the person I am today without my mom. The only thing that didn’t change was my faith. I didn’t blame God. I just questioned him why and why now. But I know He didn’t take away my mom from us. I know He just came for her, and received her in His arms where now she is resting and truly living with no pain, no sorrow, no suffering and no crying. Thank you Jesus for who You are.
“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.” Psalm 139:13 NLT
Knitted together in our mother’s womb by the Creator himself, the Maker, the Weaver. Carefully knitting every fiber to make us whole. We are His masterpiece. His creation who He knitted with unconditional love. His love never fails.
When life circumstances brings us down to our knees, in despair and hopelessness, and unravels us, our Creator knits us back to newness making us whole again. We just have to believe.
When my mother passed, I became undone, unraveled, broken, separated from life. Death was not a spoken word by my mouth. It was a harsh, cruel, and hateful word to depict the passing of my mother. But it was reality.
She was a woman who loved; who cared. A gentle woman who loved Jesus to the very end, to the last day of her life on earth. And, I was there as her witness her love for Jesus. That was the day I became unraveled and in need of immediate repair, to pick up all the shattered pieces of my life. A life that would not ever be the same again, not ever be normal. It was so long to my normal, what I knew of it. Goodbye to what was.
To those who are grieving a loss, you are not alone. God walks with us through the grief, through the season, through the valley, through the desert, through the wilderness and through the dry places. He will reveal His love, comfort, peace, and hope. Sometimes life doesn’t make sense, and it’s ok. Sometimes we despise celebrations, and it’s ok. Because we grieve and loved. Jesus knows the grief, the sorrow and the loneliness. He understands completely. Jesus is the only One who can heal and bring us back to life.
It has no sympathy.
It will tear you down, crushing the spirit.
It will break you, too difficult to stand on your feet.
It will keep you face down, to your knees.
It will keep you up all night, stalking your thoughts.
It will make you restless, too difficult to freely breathe in life.
It will make you want to scream endlessly, bringing some relief, yet paralyzing.
It will keep presenting itself, greeting you with a memory of the loss.
It has no sympathy for the well-being.
It keeps knocking at the door of your heart.
The heart where you feel the most.
In a dark place where the light is dim, yet shining some hope.
It will continue to bring tears to her eyes like a river,
day in
day out.
Some say it will get easier.
Some say it will get better with time.
Where is the truth in those senseless words.
It doesn't get easier.
It doesn't get better.
It means nothing to her.
Adapting, adjusting and living.
When time is all she has.
Time doesn't heal.
Jesus heals, only if you allow Him to.
Let Him.
Whispers in her ears... let Him.
Effort is a struggle, yet not impossible for God.
Grief is an enemy.
Tearing, breaking, crushing.
Loneliness creeps from behind,
leaving her standing alone in the rain,
finding refuge.
God is her only shelter, bringing her in from the rain.
Hope is near.
Keeping the faith.
Drawing in coverage from grief that continues to strike her down when
she feels a glimpse of relief.
She is ok, then she is not ok.
Grief will remind you of death.
Then it will remind you that life is temporary.
It will remind you of forever.
The reality is that death comes to us all.
Eternity is forever.
Eternity is real.
Jesus is real.
Jesus is eternal life.
So I must cling to Him and
not let go.
Gentle whispers
Trust and faith
words that are whispered in the stillness.
Be still
let Him move mountains
open the sea
to lead her
on dry land and
unknown territory.
As the Prophet Moses,
the Lord is leading her to a promise land.
Have faith
the Lord will walk with her
the Lord will carry her
the Lord will meet her where she is at
He is the director of her story
He will make the path straight
Fear
doubt
and uncertainty
are her enemies that keep her from moving
Be still says the Lord
Let Him
Let go
keep moving
keep going
in what is waiting for her
Jesus is life over and over again
let those words speak to the heart
saturate in it.
Stir up trust.
Stir up faith.
Stir up hope.
Broken dreams.
Broken heart.
Broken spirit.
Broken body.
I wait for the Lord or maybe He is waiting for me.
This I know... I just need to grieve the loss of my mom.
I just need to feel the loss.
I just need to heal.
Time does not heal for it's the Lord that does the healing.
The Lord knows what I need.
The Lord knows what He is doing with my life.
For His thoughts and ways are nothing like the human flesh.
He is the perfect God and the true source of life.
So, as He holds my heart in His gentle hands and carries
me slowly and compassionately through this season of loss...
I wait.
I trust.
I am only traveling through a journey in the wilderness.
Momentarily traveling.
Because... at the other side of this season of loss and grief-
I will find what He has prepared for me.
For the Lord says...
"For I know the plans I have
for good and not for disaster
to give a future and a hope..."
So... I will continue in search for Him wholeheartedly.
In search for His way,
In search for His heart,
and trust His plan
because there is where I will find Him and
I will be found by Him.
Jesus is Life.
.
Jesus is Life 