Imagine a place where there is no death, no sorrow, no crying, no pain, and no suffering (Revelation 21). A place where there is light and never darkness. A place where there is peace, love, joy and comfort. A place where it’s always beautiful, more than our imagination can ever visualize or comprehend. A place where Jesus lives, the One who is love and life. A place where there are no tears. A place that is forever-truly living in the presence of God and in the light of Jesus. True living with the source of life-Jesus Christ. We can only imagine.
When my mother passed unexpectedly in 2021, my life was torn apart with the tragedy that happened that day, in front of my eyes. A witness to her death. Life as I knew it with my mother’s existence was wiped away so quickly where it left me in total shock. Knowing that life was not ever going to be the same without my mom here on earth. I experienced her death because it left me breathless, a part of me died with her, at least that is how it felt that day. It was the worse that I had ever felt in my life. These tears will not go wasted, remembering all the tears I cried when men rejected me because they didn’t love me anymore. I thought to myself… those tears I wasted on a man who no longer valued me. Death and grief was an unbearable pain that attacked every fiber within me. Sorrow, sadness, crying, pain, suffering, darkness and weakness were my companions who walked with me through the darkest valley. It was difficult to keep going even though I knew at some point that God needed to be my strength to keep going and move to be healed. But with my mom’s passing, I had to endure all that I didn’t want to feel. I had to face the reality that death is real and permanent. It took my mom. I was angry with fire. The comfort that brings is that she is waiting for me on the other side of this chaotic world. A place where she is finally resting. That in this world it’s not all we get because if you believe in Jesus then there is a place where He has prepared for us to spend our forever and it’s with Him. My mom’s passing not only brought me closer to my Jesus, but it has taught me that life can still be beautiful even without our loved ones. This world is only an introductory. Grief is a terrible experience. I hated death because it took my mom. And still hate death. What I felt like a rejection was the trauma I felt in losing her. Jesus comforts the broken-hearted. He shines the light again in hearts through His divine healing. I am comforted only by the warmth of His presence knowing that He comes alive in the inner core of my soul. The day my mom passed was the day Jesus held me closer, loved me more than anyone could and revealed that one day I will rise from the ashes, bursting in love with Jesus, because He makes all things new again. It’s not the end of life for my mom because now she is truly living where there is no death, no pain, no sorrow, no suffering and no tears. Miss you mom! Love you Jesus!
It is not until we, as temporary residents of this world, traveling through life experiencing a trial or trials where we need rescuing, and in need of immediate relief. That is where we find ourselves desperate and in search of some kind of measure with a source that will give us a space to breathe. Sooner or later, we realize the only source is and has been waiting for us… His name is Jesus. When we are in a face down position of desperation, at the end of our rope, clinging for dear life, drowning in grief, our cries for help become real to us. It’s a wake-up call to reality that life and death are real. That the world is really temporary. It’s not forever, but heaven is. It’s when we face the reality of life as it is. Our cries reach out to the ears of our lifeguard-Jesus. He is the only One who walks on water. The real source who makes Himself available any time, any day, anywhere and any way. Jesus is our measure to life in desperate times. He knows. He sees. He understands. He waits. He loves. He cares. He guides. He is with us. For scripture says in Psalms 23:4 NLT), ” Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and staff protect and comfort me.”
The day my mom passed, I found myself walking through the darkest valley. I knew the Lord was already grieving with me. He was about to carry me through a grief that was unknown to me. A loss that broke me into pieces of granules and left me completely numb and in shock, filled with pain. As we were guided by the ER doctor that sad day, who walked us into the hospital emergency consultation family room, a small and enclosed room with two chairs and a table, he informed us the devastating news that was about to change our lives forever. This room felt exactly how I felt within. It was pale, gloomy and a cold room indeed. Parts of me felt dead. Hospitals are known for cold temperatures, but some reason this room felt extremely cold that day. I felt the incoming sadness which entered that particular room. Somehow I already anticipated what I was about to hear was not good news at all. Anticipating for the bad news due the the faces that walked into my life that day, but still continuing to cling on to hope that my mom was alive and made it through this terrible experience. The ER doctor had a look of despair on his face which stared right into the window of my eyes, and sadly informed us that my mom didn’t make it. It was in this room that I felt how life was so unfair. I hated death and all its evilness. It was that moment that changed my life forever. It was where I felt nothing but numbness that sent strings of pain radiating through my limbs, where my heart felt like it stopped as well with my mom’s. Her passing tore me apart, it tore away through the insides of my very being and asking myself what just happened in disbelief. She was just here.. Is this a bad dream because I don’t like it at all. I wanted time to travel back when my mom was still alive. I wanted to scream. It felt as if a part of me died with her. I was lost. But this I knew that Jesus is close to the broken-hearted. He will not let you stay where you are at. Crushed, broken and in despaired. Jesus is with us in the silence, in the noise of this world, the chaos, the loneliness of times, but also in the good times where it calls for celebration, to celebrate life. This season of loss for me was a time to grieve life and death as it was that day. Jesus didn’t promise us a free from pain, and free from suffering type of world. He did promise us that He would never leave us where we are at. In your desperate times, seek the only measure. The One that holds our heads high above the raging waters, because even the waves obey His voice. He is the only source of life and breath, strength and comfort. He has been my lifeline so, seek the shepherd for He walks with us in the darkest valleys, never leaving our side.
As I walked through the valley of death, in grieving clothes, slumbered in the tombs, with my head down with sorrow, the Lord was with me. Black as the night, the darkness hovered over me as a canopy that kept me hidden. As scripture Psalm 23:4 (NLT) says: ” Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me…”
Slowly ripping my grieving clothes to shreds, and emerging from a place into an unfamiliar territory that is my new normal. He is making things new again. As scripture Revelation 21:5 (NLT) says: “…Look, I am making everything new!…”
Eyes swollen and tired, in total shock, floating in a numbing state when my mother passed away, with my heart shattered into a thousand pieces and scattered like sand on the ocean shore, I knew my God carried me through. It was only HIS footprints that were imprinted on the sands of earth. And even though tears continue to flow down my heart-shaped face, I know my God is still with me, healing me through the inside, mending my heart back to whole and newness, and pouring His living water so I will not go thirsty because He refreshes my soul and gives me life again.
When my mother passed, parts of me died with her. Knowing that life will not be the same again. But also knowing that my God is good and faithful. He will not let me drown in sorrow. He will lift my head up high to see who He is and what He can do. I believe.
Death will not overcome. Life continues. Eternal life wins.
Jesus is Life 